You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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