I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
