Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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