I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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