: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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