worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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