I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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