Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Found your dick twin last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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