i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone says I win the strip club
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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