it's too hot outside to masturbate.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
