Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
