hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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