chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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