She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
