Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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