is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
