I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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