On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
