I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
