Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
