What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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