btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have aggressive nipples.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
