Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We got so high we made milksteak
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How's work?
Spinning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
