i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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