Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
