If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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