she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
