I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
