I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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