I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
