We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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