I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
