This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
