Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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