This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
