I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
