Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I could fuck to npr.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize