dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
