Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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