You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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