I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
