I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
