her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
