Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
