a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I see more hoeing in ur future
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