The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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