grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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