After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
