She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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