I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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