You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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