I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
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MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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