Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
