hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
