My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
