I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
