I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just gargled with NyQuil
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
