What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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