he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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