So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
