I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
