He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
