he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
