Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
me + whiskey = a bad person
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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