She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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