I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
