It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
