I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
